Thursday, April 9, 2009

Story time

Henry is an elephant that can fly. He isn't like Dumbo though, he doesn't use his ears because that isn't possible. He uses a jet pack! You may be wondering, Bonedead, what the hell is an elephant doing with a jet pack when I don't even have a jet pack? Well ya see, this is a special elephant, because he can talk. Well why can the elephant talk? Because he evolved bitch! Shut the hell up and listen to mah storeh!

So one day Henry was cruisin along the tree top canopies in some exotic ass rainforest in the mofuggin jungle (forest jungle mofugga!) on his way to visit his best friend, Dr. Mr. Dolphinface. Why is he a Doctor Mister, Mr. Bonedead? Because he got a doctorate degree in something and now he has the power, now shut the fuck up! Anyway, Dr. Mr. Dolphinface wasn't a doctor of medicine, he received an honorary doctorate for his work in constructing a jet pack that works and fits an elephant. Not only that but he taught a damn elephant how to talk and then explained how to use a jet pack!

As Henry is flying over the canopies he notices below him there are swarms of monkeys and apes following him. He figures maybe it is just a coincidence and returns his attention to the sky. Ya see Henry was very fond of the sky, though that wasn't always the case. Back when he walked around everywhere he had too much to worry about and focus on that was on the ground. He didn't have time to look up and during long treks he didn't have the strength to look up. Most of Henry's life prior to being a jet pack wielding talking elephant involved long arduous walks across barren deserts and dry jungle. But now, now he could get where he needed to be with hardly any effort. If he gets too hot he just flies higher!

Henry was due for a refueling and a general check up, though Dr. Mr. Dolphinface was not an elephant doctor. But since Henry could talk he was able to help him. While staring at the clouds Henry spotted a small airplane. Airplanes were nothing new to Henry, in fact, most were chartered to find him flying for tourists to see. This didn't bother Henry, because he was free to do as he pleased, and he enjoyed the company and the new faces. However, today Henry did not have time to spend with the tourists, for check ups and refuelings are no joking matter to an elephant with a jet pack.

Of course, tourists pay a lot of money to charter a plane over a rainforest jungle thing to search for an elephant with a jet pack and they will not give up easily. Over the years Henry has learned the lay of the land quite well, especially with his ability to speak, he was able to acquire large maps of the area courtesy of Dr. Mr. Dolphinface. This meant he knew where the country borders were, since this story takes place in a jungle rainforest, it is a safe assumption that in this area of the world the countries don't get along with each other very well. Which means all that Henry had to do was cross over into another country and fly a bit lower than usual, so that's what he did.

As he began to lower his altitude he looked down and noticed there was still a large amount of primates following him in the trees, and he turned his focus on them now. From his lifetime in the wild Henry learned that there is usually a dominant male leader for most animal families and groups. Henry began scanning the front of the pack looking for this dominant male primate, who he would undoubtedly have to direct his attention to were a meeting to take place between himself and the primates. He began to go faster trying to catch up to the head of the pack when all of a sudden the primates disappeared and the trees stopped moving. In fact the whole forest rainjungle was almost completely silent except for a small humming noise that was slowly growing louder.

This made Henry feel extremely uneasy so he ducked his head down and barreled on towards the Docs house. He was flying in what could be described as a trench among the tree tops, there was something about having trees around you that would calm Henry down. Henry began to feel more relaxed, he was breathing easier and his legs weren't as tense. He began looking at the canopies below him for small reservoirs of water and eventually came across one. He slurped it up in one try and gulped it down, it was very refreshing. He went a few trees down and found another, this one he sucked in and squirted onto his back, which was also very refreshing. He found one more, he drank half of it and dumped the other half on the top of his head. Henry was very refreshed, he was calm again, and he had lost the tourists.

He began on his way again, it was along trek but hardly as tough as they used to be, if he were to have tried this trek without the jet pack he would have surely perished. A breeze began to flow by him and through the trees around him, making a smooth rustling sound all around him. It was at this moment that Henry heard a very strong noise to his right, as he looked over he could see who he believed to be the dominant male primate. He was obviously aged a bit, but not frail, very much strong and very much in charge. His hair was gray which automatically made him stand out amongst the other primates who were primarily black, brown, and light brown in color. His face was the most horrid thing Henry had ever seen. It seemed white and crusty. As if he had died long ago and came back to life, it was very weathered.

The primate hugged the tree with his legs and motioned by swinging his arms in Henry's direction while howling menacingly. The trees all around Henry began shaking and he slightly increased his altitude while looking below him to see what was coming. He was now emerging from his trench in the canopies and his pursuers were becoming more and more visible. Hundreds of monkeys and apes rushed up after Henry, some began leaping at him, and one small monkey managed to grab on to Henry and climb on his back. He increased his altitude to stay out of range of the others, who were now standing on top of the canopies barking and howling at him, it was now clear to Henry that he was being hunted. The monkey on his back began gnawing on his ears which made the ones below grow even louder and more enraged.

Henry swatted at the little monkey with his trunk, missing, again and again he swatted and grabbed for the monkey but kept missing. He then began going straight up with his jet pack, high into the sky, so high that when he looked down the massive mob of monkeys now seemed rather small. He flipped upside down and began to free fall. The monkey on his head was now biting harder but less often, he was losing his grip and dangling from Henry's head. Henry grabbed again and this time he got the little bastard! He held the monkey tightly and began flipping himself back over as the mob of monkeys below again appeared massive.

Once right side up with monkey in grasp Henry hovered above the mob who was now extremely furious as he had their friend in his clutches. The leader emerged and the mob went silent almost immediately. Henry stared at his deformed face in disgust, this was without a doubt the ugliest primate he had ever seen. The primate leader motioned to Henry, what Henry assumed meant "Give him back". Henry was not going to be bullied and needed to let these primates know that he was the king of the jungle rainforest as far as they were concerned. So he took the monkey and held it up to his jet packs propulsion systems, where half of it instantly disintegrated. He looked at the remains and felt sadness, this was not Henry's way, he was better than this.

When he looked at the primate leader he noticed it's mouth was wide open in shock. The primates had never seen such destruction before and were left in awe. Henry threw what was left of the corpse at the alpha male, hitting him square in the chest, and it fell to his feet. The primate examined the body, his face regained it's composure, it's intensity. The hairs began to stand up on it's body as it looked at Henry. The leader flung the corpse off into the trees and roared at Henry so fiercely that it startled the mob of primates around him.

He began squawking rapidly and moving his arms and his followers began to react. They began bunching up together and climbing on top of each other. Henry knew he had to start moving and fast as he saw the leader began charging up the mountain of monkeys, heading straight for Henry. The terror that was his face slowed Henry's reaction time, it was as if he forgot how to fly. He was frozen, completely frightened, and then came a loud roaring. The noise became louder and louder, it immobilized Henry even more and caused some of the monkeys to flee from the pile, which slowed the primate leader.

As the leader reached the top of the primates he leaped with all of his might, arms outstretched towards Henry, mouth wide open ready to rip and tear. He was so close now that Henry had given up, he would be swarmed by these primates and killed. It was at this moment that the roaring revealed itself. An airplane flew directly overhead, it had a hook dangling from it which appeared to be magnetic as it honed in on Henry's jet pack and hooked onto it flawlessly. As the primate was about to strike, Henry was tugged away by the plane, and the primate fell into the canopies below. As Henry watched he saw the leader began tearing apart those who fled the pile and flinging their intestines all over the place. He stared up at Henry and let out one last roar. Henry was saved.

(What the fuck am I doing?)

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